Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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