his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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