Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
