You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
