i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
