That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
