even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
