Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
