Pants 0. Shit 1.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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