I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
In America we eat man semen.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
