The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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