i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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