cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
