Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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