That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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