i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
