Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
