Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
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