I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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