you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
