Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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