I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Can I color on your dick again?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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