so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
