she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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