Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
