you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
