She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
