if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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