I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
