I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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