I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I cut my penus on the lid.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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