someone threw a dead crab at me
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
