I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
