Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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