I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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