It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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