last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
