I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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