but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
