Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I will be naked everywhere
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
