I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
