I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
