It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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