party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
