If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
