The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
