I murdered the dance floor call the cops
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We are two peas in an std pod
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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