my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
