if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
