Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You can't motorboat a personality
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
