So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
