My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
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I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
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Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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