Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
