when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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