So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize