Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
