So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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