why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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