Where are you?
In a non slutty way
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
