1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Soap is not a condiment
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
should my penis look like a turkey
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
