I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
