I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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