I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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