Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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