The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
