Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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