No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
