I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
