i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
