I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
